{"id":662,"date":"2017-09-04T22:07:37","date_gmt":"2017-09-04T22:07:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/?p=662"},"modified":"2017-09-08T13:45:04","modified_gmt":"2017-09-08T13:45:04","slug":"jks-best-and-worst-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/2017\/09\/04\/jks-best-and-worst-2\/","title":{"rendered":"JK’s Best and Worst"},"content":{"rendered":"

Men & Women<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

Best<\/strong> advice about wooing women:<\/p>\n

\u201cKeep your distance. Why do you think girls like cats?\u201d<\/p>\n

Worst <\/strong>question for any man to answer:<\/p>\n

\u201cHave you ever felt a sexual attraction to any of my girlfriends? I promise I won\u2019t get mad.\u201d<\/p>\n

Best <\/strong>nasty description of the ex-gf who dumped you:<\/p>\n

\u201cShe married for love. And she loves her new Bentley, her live-in maid and her eight-bedroom house.\u201d<\/p>\n

Worst\/best <\/strong>remembered dialogue from my disastrous first marriage:<\/p>\n

She: It\u2019s not working. We don\u2019t share the same values.<\/p>\n

Me: No? What are your values?<\/p>\n

She: Art, love and truth.<\/p>\n

Me: Well, that doesn\u2019t leave me<\/strong> much, does it?<\/p>\n

Best <\/strong>mash note I sent to my girlfriend Jessica in 1976:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Best <\/strong>Shakespeare quote on love:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe sweetest honey is loathsome in its own deliciousness.\u201d \u2013 Romeo and Juliet<\/em><\/p>\n

Runner-up: <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cMany a good hanging prevents many a bad marriage.\u201d\u00a0 — Twelfth Night<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0Best\/worst<\/strong> obnoxious cockney pick-up line:<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201cHey, luv, how\u2019s yer bum for sports?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>Best<\/strong> JK theory about fancy weddings:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe expense of the wedding is in direct inverse proportion to the success of the marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>Best <\/strong>description of the difference between the sexes:<\/p>\n

\u201cThis was one of the things, it occurred to Frank, that he liked about men: their relationship minimalism, their gender-based realization that the cupboard of life, emotionally speaking, was pretty near bare. There wasn\u2019t that tireless, irksome, bright-eyed hope women kept fluttering at you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2013 John Updike, in his short story, The Rumor.<\/em><\/p>\n

Runner-up: <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cMen are stupid and women are crazy.\u201d \u2013 George Carlin<\/p>\n

Honorable mention: <\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cMen claim they want a siren, but really want a mom. Women say they seek Mr. Reliable, but secretly pine for Studley Hungwell.\u201d \u2013 JK<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>Best\/worst <\/strong>remembered quote from a dewy-eyed young lass of my acquaintance:<\/p>\n

\u201cAll I want is a pure, wonderful life.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ah, is that all…<\/p>\n

Best\/worst <\/strong>sexual insult:<\/p>\n

\u201cYou fuck like Joe Friday walks.\u201d<\/p>\n

Best <\/strong>advice on staying fit:<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you can\u2019t get into your own pants, nobody else will want to either.\u201d<\/p>\n

– Marie, my late father\u2019s octogenarian girlfriend<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Men & Women Best advice about wooing women: \u201cKeep your distance. Why do you think girls like cats?\u201d Worst question for any man to answer:…<\/p>\n

Continue reading JK’s Best and Worst<\/span><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45,7,27],"tags":[46,40,5,39,43],"class_list":["post-662","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-beer-and-gasoline","category-hard-boiled-fiction","category-jks-best-and-worst","tag-espionage","tag-historical-fiction","tag-john-knoerle","tag-spy-fiction","tag-spy-novels","entry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/662","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=662"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/662\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":667,"href":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/662\/revisions\/667"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=662"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=662"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=662"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}