{"id":662,"date":"2017-09-04T22:07:37","date_gmt":"2017-09-04T22:07:37","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/?p=662"},"modified":"2017-09-08T13:45:04","modified_gmt":"2017-09-08T13:45:04","slug":"jks-best-and-worst-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/2017\/09\/04\/jks-best-and-worst-2\/","title":{"rendered":"JK&#8217;s Best and Worst"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-size: 14pt;\"><strong>Men &amp; Women<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n<p><strong>Best<\/strong> advice about wooing women:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cKeep your distance. Why do you think girls like cats?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Worst <\/strong>question for any man to answer:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHave you ever felt a sexual attraction to any of my girlfriends? I promise I won\u2019t get mad.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Best <\/strong>nasty description of the ex-gf who dumped you:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cShe married for love. And she loves her new Bentley, her live-in maid and her eight-bedroom house.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Worst\/best <\/strong>remembered dialogue from my disastrous first marriage:<\/p>\n<p>She: It\u2019s not working. We don\u2019t share the same values.<\/p>\n<p>Me: No? What are your values?<\/p>\n<p>She: Art, love and truth.<\/p>\n<p>Me: Well, that doesn\u2019t leave <strong>me<\/strong> much, does it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Best <\/strong>mash note I sent to my girlfriend Jessica in 1976:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/JK-to-Jessica2.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-663\" src=\"http:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/JK-to-Jessica2-278x300.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"382\" height=\"412\" srcset=\"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/JK-to-Jessica2-278x300.png 278w, https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/JK-to-Jessica2.png 598w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 382px) 100vw, 382px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p><strong>Best <\/strong>Shakespeare quote on love:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe sweetest honey is loathsome in its own deliciousness.\u201d \u2013 <em>Romeo and Juliet<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Runner-up: <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cMany a good hanging prevents many a bad marriage.\u201d\u00a0 &#8212; <em>Twelfth Night<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0Best\/worst<\/strong> obnoxious cockney pick-up line:<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/DrunkBrit.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-664\" src=\"http:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/DrunkBrit-233x300.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"233\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/DrunkBrit-233x300.png 233w, https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/DrunkBrit.png 477w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 233px) 100vw, 233px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>\u201cHey, luv, how\u2019s yer bum for sports?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Best<\/strong> JK theory about fancy weddings:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe expense of the wedding is in direct inverse proportion to the success of the marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Best <\/strong>description of the difference between the sexes:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThis was one of the things, it occurred to Frank, that he liked about men: their relationship minimalism, their gender-based realization that the cupboard of life, emotionally speaking, was pretty near bare. There wasn\u2019t that tireless, irksome, bright-eyed hope women kept fluttering at you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u2013 John Updike, in his short story, <em>The Rumor.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><strong>Runner-up: <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cMen are stupid and women are crazy.\u201d \u2013 George Carlin<\/p>\n<p><strong>Honorable mention: <\/strong><\/p>\n<p>\u201cMen claim they want a siren, but really want a mom. Women say they seek Mr. Reliable, but secretly pine for Studley Hungwell.\u201d \u2013 JK<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><strong>Best\/worst <\/strong>remembered quote from a dewy-eyed young lass of my acquaintance:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAll I want is a pure, wonderful life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Ah, is that all&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><strong>Best\/worst <\/strong>sexual insult:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou fuck like Joe Friday walks.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Best <\/strong>advice on staying fit:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIf you can\u2019t get into your own pants, nobody else will want to either.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&#8211; Marie, my late father\u2019s octogenarian girlfriend<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Marie-and-JJ.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-medium wp-image-665\" src=\"http:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Marie-and-JJ-300x260.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"260\" srcset=\"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Marie-and-JJ-300x260.png 300w, https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Marie-and-JJ-768x665.png 768w, https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/Marie-and-JJ.png 975w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Men &amp; Women Best advice about wooing women: \u201cKeep your distance. Why do you think girls like cats?\u201d Worst question for any man to answer:&#8230;<\/p>\n<p><a class='more-link' href='https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/2017\/09\/04\/jks-best-and-worst-2\/'>Continue reading <span class='screen-reader-text'>JK&#8217;s Best and Worst<\/span><\/a><\/p>","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[45,7,27],"tags":[46,40,5,39,43],"class_list":["post-662","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-beer-and-gasoline","category-hard-boiled-fiction","category-jks-best-and-worst","tag-espionage","tag-historical-fiction","tag-john-knoerle","tag-spy-fiction","tag-spy-novels","entry"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 4.9.8 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Men &amp; Women Best advice about wooing women: \u201cKeep your distance. 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Why do you think girls like cats?\u201d Worst question for any man to answer: \u201cHave you ever felt a sexual attraction to any of my girlfriends? I promise I won\u2019t get mad.\u201d Best nasty description of the ex-gf who dumped you: \u201cShe married for","og:url":"https:\/\/johnknoerle.com\/historical-fiction\/2017\/09\/04\/jks-best-and-worst-2\/","twitter:card":"summary","twitter:title":"JK\u2019s Best and Worst | JohnKnoerle.com","twitter:description":"Men &amp; Women Best advice about wooing women: \u201cKeep your distance. Why do you think girls like cats?\u201d Worst question for any man to answer: \u201cHave you ever felt a sexual attraction to any of my girlfriends? 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