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JK’s Best and Worst

Words of Wisdom

 Best words of wisdom:

“The secret of life is the ability to go from failure to failure without losing your enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

Runner-up:

“You can’t ride two horses with one behind.” – Woody Allen

Honorable mention:

“Only by ignoring the obvious can true happiness be achieved.” – JK

 Best philosophy of life/Apple computer slogan:

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.” – Leonardo da Vinci

 

Best anonymous rumination about the divine:

“If there is a God, He has a quality control problem.”

Best anonymous rumination about the dangers of religious fanaticism:

“I would rather face a heavily-armed battalion than three people who are convinced they’re doing the will of God.”

Best relationship advice/warning:

“When a person shows you who they are, believe them.” – Maya Angelou

Best attitude to take when dealing with a day full of frustration:

“It’s all part of life’s rich pageant.” – Peter Sellers as Inspector Closeau

Best wisdom from an old country gentleman:

“There is them that said and them that did.”

Best/worst explanation of the human condition from yours truly:

“There are only four basic human emotions – joy, sadness, fear and anger. And three of them suck!”

 Best explanation of why old folks get grumpy:

“The shorter the time you have left, the lower your tolerance for bullshit.”

 Best words of wisdom about cooking:

“A chef who counts calories is like a hooker who looks at her watch.” – James Beard

Best/worst truth-telling words I ever wrote:

“Motherhood is a form of mental illness.”

Runner-up:

“Stubborn. Why are all the best gals the world over so goddamn stubborn?”

 Best bumper-sticker life advice:

“Since I gave up hope I feel much better.”

Runner-up:

“When you assume, you make an ass out of u & me.”

Worst widely-accepted words of wisdom:

“Just trust your gut.”

Which most often leads to, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

Runner-up:

“No good deed goes unpunished.”

If everyone heeded this old saw, life on earth would be even more miserable.

Honorable mention:

“Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.”

– Thomas Edison

I disagree. That 1% is what makes the 99% pay off.

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