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JK’s Best (and Worst) of Just About Everything

MOVIES

Best scary movie line of all time:

“Take him to the tower, and teach him the err-or of false pride.” – Gunga Din (1939)

Runner-up:

“Desire. Love. Grief. Ambition. Believe me, life is so much simpler without them.” – Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)

body-snatchersBest film noir come-back line:

“I don’t pray. Kneeling bags my nylons.” – Jan Sterling, Ace in the Hole (1951)

ace-in-the-hole
Best
line of dialogue in a film lousy with good dialogue:

Joe Gillis: (narrating) “It’s dawn now and they must have photographed me a thousand times. Then they got a couple of pruning hooks from the garden and fished me out… ever so gently. Funny how gentle people get with you once you’re dead.”

Runner-up:

“Just us, the cameras, and those wonderful people out there in the dark!” – Norma Desmond

Honorable mention:

“A Maharajah came all the way from India to beg one of her silk stockings. He later used it to strangle himself.” – Eric von Stroheim as Norma Desmond’s butler

Best description of a lady love by heartsick thug in a film noir classic:

“Velma. She was cute as lace pants.” – Moose Malloy in Murder, My Sweet (1944)

Best line about romance in a film noir classic.

When asked if he’s ever been in in love, Detective Dana Andrews replies, “Dame got a fox fur out of me once.” – Laura (1944)

Best film noir buzz off line:

“Oh, go fry an egg!”

Best gay porn film title:

Yank My Doodle Dandy (year unknown)

Worst/best B movie title:

Dracula Blows his Cool (1980)

Worst/best B movie:

Glen or Glenda (1953).glendaEdward D. Wood’s biopic about his irresistible attraction to angora sweaters is even funnier and more bizarre than his more famous clunker Plan 9 from Outer Space (which never once mentions a Plan 9!)

 Worst/best B movie dialogue:

He:  Hey, baby, can I drive you home?

She: You got a car?

He:   No, a whip.

– Hell on Frisco Bay (1955)
frisco-bay
Best
cop line in a Spielberg movie:

“She’ll be dead before the sound gets there.”

A sharpshooter with a long gun explaining his plan to Texas Sheriff Ben Johnson in The Sugarland Express (1974).

Best pretentious but mostly true pronouncement about the arts:

“The sorrows of life are the joys of art!”

– John Barrymore in Twentieth Century (1934)

Best overlooked set-up-the-tension line:

Everyone knows the angry, “We don’ need no stinkin’ badges” line from Treasure of Sierra Madre. But what tees that up so well is when the head bandito, who has come across Humphrey Bogart making his way down the mountain from his gold mining camp, purrs, “You are one man and six burros, senor.”bogartBest gloom and doom voiceover:

“Even the glistening sun on the beach is the result of dead shells. The glitter of putrescence.”

I Walked with a Zombie (1943)

Best movie come-on line:

“This happens only once to a man. Only once can he reach up his hand and touch the stars. At first, I thought I’d dreamed you. (lowering his voice) Help me to understand that I’m not dreaming. Take me to walk with you, along the stars.”

– Frederic March, Trade Winds (1938)

Best bit of insight into female psychology from Katie Hepburn:

He:   Can a man like a woman against his will?

She:  Of course he can. That’s the very nicest way to be liked.

– The Little Minister, (1934)
little-minister
Best
quote that sums up the Baby Boom generation:

“They make you old, but they don’t let you die.”

– Friend, in the movie Zardoz (1974)

Best movie-making advice from writer/director Billy Wilder:

“It’s okay to be subtle so long as you’re obvious about it.”

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© Copyright John Knoerle 2015